The Dangers of Butterbeer

Written by request for Damon.


Draco set the frothy mug down in front of Damon, giving him a wink and flashing a wry smile. "Here, it's on me."

Damon looked curiously at the mug before arching an eyebrow at Draco. "What is it Malfoy?"

"Butterbeer, with a little bit of Pumpkin Juice," replied Draco.

"OH NO! The last time I had that all sorts of crazy stuff went down," exclaimed Damon.

"Like what Damon?"

"Well... you know the Weasley twins?" Damon continued on without waiting for Draco to answer, "Well....."


'I stumbled out of The Three Broomsticks after having a pint of Butterbeer and Pumpkin Juice. Now, it was good mind you, but I was clearly drunk. I'm fairly sure i felt up Madame Rosmerta and was kicked out... but it could have been Hagrid I felt up... I'm not sure. I stumbled around the streets of Hogsmeade for quite sometime afterward.

"'ullo there! Damon!"

'I turned to see who was trying to get my attention, when I saw two someone's trying to get my attention. I thought it might have just been one someone at first and I was just seeing double. When the pair approached me, I realized it was the Weasley twins.

"Oh! Hello George!"

"I'm Fred!"

"Hello Fred!"

"I'm George!" "Oh... it's hard to tell you two apart.."

"Not anymore, see?" George pointed to the side of his head, precisely in the spot his ear should have been.

'I was about to comment on his missing ear when the twins beckoned for me to follow them as they turned to walk down the road. Before long we arrived at the Hog's Head pub. The three of us went to a private room and began to down one Butterbeer with Pumpkin Juice after another.

'We began to discuss new ideas for Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. I had an idea for a new trick, that I thought would work great in their shop. I was explaining the intracacies of the trick to the Weasleys when it occurred to me that I was holding one of them in a tight embrace, and I was fairly certain his tongue was down my throat.

'As I stood there passionately kissing this Weasley I couldn't help but think to myself. Not, funny enough, why was I making out with a Weasley but... I wonder which of the twins I'm making out with. Fred or George.

'I reached up and ran my hands across his face, circled them around the side of his head, past both ears and grabbed his hair; pulling his face harder into mine. AHA! I thought to myself, both ears! He has two ears! It's Fred!

'I then felt someone begin to nip at the back of my neck. Ah...that must be George.

"So..." George whispered into my ear, "Have you ever had a Weazly Cream Sandwich?"

'I pulled away from Fred for a moment, turning to address George. "No I haven't. I don't think I've seen those in your shop before."

George grabbed hold of my shirt and pulled me against him, "We don't sell those in our shop."

"Then how would I... oh....." I stopped short as George gave me a knowing smile, something in his pants was pushing against me. I could feel Fred behind me now, kissing my neck in much the same way George was before.

"Umm... Is that a wand in your pocket, or..."

"It's not a wand," interrupted both Fred and George at the same time.

'I pushed both of the Weasley twins away, walking over to the far side of the room. "Alright! Now hold on a minute! I don't know what you two have heard about Muggles... But.. No!.. Just... No... No... No.... Not going to happen."

"Oh come on Damon," both of the twins replied. "We are double the fun! Double the pleasure!"

'George walked over to me, and sidestepped around me. He began to massage my shoulders as Fred approached me from the front. Fred was giving me a dashing smile that have to admit was hard to resist.

"Have you ever been with a Wizard before Damon?" Fred asked, "you may just enjoy it. You've seen what we can do with our tricks. Imagine what we could do with you."

'I began to open my mouth to fire off a retort, but stopped myself. I began to shake my head a bit, sighing audibly to myself.

"You know what Weasley?" I asked, " What the hell? You only live once right? Wands out boys!"

********************************************************************************** "That's quite some story Damon," remarked Draco. "but every wizard has heard it. Your snogging with the Weasleys has made it around the rumor mills."

"If you knew about it, then why did you offer me a Butterbeer and Pumpkin Juice?" Asked Damon.

Draco didn't reply, but simply gave Damon a mischievous grin.

"Oh..." Damon sighed, "I thought Potter was the keeper of your wand."

"My wand is kept by whomever I please."

Damon shook his head, sighing to himself. "What the hell?!?" He exclaimed as he took hold of the pint of Butterbeer and Pumpkin Juice. Tossing it back, Damon chugged it all down.


Dumbledore sat up in his bed gasping, sweat pouring down his face. His hands were shaking as he ran them through his hair. His eyes looked around the darkened room, his breathing was heavy and drawn out.

"What a strange dream..." he said to himself. "Why was that muggle whoring around with Hogwarts students?"

A hand rose from the bed, touching Dumbledore on the chest. It began to gently push him back down towards his pillow.

"Go back to sleep Alby," ordered Damon, "or someone won't have enough energy for his morning wand cleaning."

Without another word Damon rolled around in their shared bed, turning his back on Dumbledore.

"Sorry dear," whispered Dumbledore as he wrapped his arm around Damon. He then kissed Damon on the top of his head and the two spooned together until they fell asleep.


I hope you enjoyed the story as much as Damon enjoyed a Weasley Cream Sandwich. -Anthony Valenta